Word Count: 2,416
Summary: Sometimes, Hyunseung pretends like he understands things.
men weren't meant to fly with clouds between their knees
Hyunseung’s still clueless as to how it happened. All Hyunseung knows is that Kikwang announced on television that he wants to marry him. The love confession triggered some kind of confidence that Hyunseung never knew Kikwang had. Kikwang had come into the dance studio just seconds after Hyunseung had shut off the music, and Hyunseung just nodded his head at Kikwang in greeting.
He was never given an appropriate warning, just the feeling of strong arms snaking around his waist, and a cheek pressing into his back. Hyunseung sighed then, hands already at Kikwang’s wrists, determined to push him off. And then Kikwang did something that never crossed Hyunseung’s mind: he kissed him. Kikwang’s lips against his own for a few seconds, with Kikwang’s eyes closed and Hyunseung’s wide open in shock. Kikwang stepped back, dashing out the door with what sounded distinctly as bye-yom and Hyunseung touching at his lips in horror.
And that’s just the beginning.
One of Kikwang’s limited talents is crawling his way into Hyunseung’s bed at night. At first Hyunseung hadn’t minded so much, he’d turn over onto his side and kick Kikwang off and the world would be saved of an apocalypse. But then Kikwang had learned to wrap his arms around Hyunseung’s waist and pull himself closer, close enough that Hyunseung had difficulty twisting and turning to kick Kikwang off the bed.
He sighs then, in obvious annoyance and manoeuvres himself around so that he’s face to face with his assaulter. “Get out.”
“I don’t like sleeping by myself.”
“Go sleep in someone else’s bed then.”
“Hyunseung,” Kikwang whines, pressing his body close enough, twitches and shakes in that odd way of his that’s reminiscent of a five-year-old mid-temper tantrum. Hyunseung resists the urge to yell at him, it’s close to three in the morning and had it been anyone else who screamed at the top of their lungs, he’d have gone into a mild fit of rage.
“Fine, fine, fine,” Hyunseung says finally, hands on Kikwang’s wrists, desperately trying to wrench them away from him. “You can stay as long as you shut up and let me go.”
And Kikwang grins cheekily, eyes disappearing into creases and folds of skin and lets go of Hyunseung. Hyunseung smiles for the first time that night, kicking Kikwang out of his bed with swift, practiced leg movements.
Kikwang had always been so easy to fool.
Sometime in between learning new choreography and the Japanese lessons, Hyunseung realises that Kikwang isn’t as bad as he previously thought. That is until Kikwang decides to trip over his own feet, latching onto him for support, and for some strange reason Hyunseung opens his eyes to find Kikwang on top of him. Hyunseung groans, lifting his head up slightly to rub at the sore spot.
Kikwang stands up quickly, pulling Hyunseung to his feet, apologising over and over and over again.
“It’s fine, just stop talking – you’re giving me a headache.”
Kikwang still looks concerned as he presses his lips together, but he walks away all the same. Hyunseung starts to judge himself for ever thinking that Kikwang could pass for anything slightly normal and less than weird.
But then they’re all in position again in front of the mirror with the choreographer in the middle, yelling out words and words and then finally turning on the music. Hyunseung’s eyes drift to Kikwang who’s dancing to the left of him, and Hyunseung remembers that Kikwang is his competition. Kikwang has charisma when he dances, his lines are perfect, his center is strong and his body is lithe. Whereas Hyunseung lacks charisma, his lines are perfect and yes, his center is strong but his body is anything but lithe. But Kikwang has this ability to let people in with his dancing, to engage with the audience in a way that Hyunseung never really knew how.
After practice Hyunseung sits on the floor with his back against the wall. Kikwang takes up the space beside him, putting his head on Hyunseung’s shoulder. He’s about to shrug Kikwang off, but then remembers that Kikwang is a dancer like him, remembers that Kikwang is just as good as him – possibly better – so he lets him stay.
Hyunseung is clueless when it comes to relationships, which is why he never bothered with girls so much because they gave him unnecessary headaches – just like the one Kikwang is giving him at the moment.
“I don’t like you,” Hyunseung says, turning his back on Kikwang. “Not like that, not ever like that.”
“Not even just a tiny, tiny bit?” Kikwang’s voice is hopeful, and Hyunseung feels his eye twitch as he hears footsteps nearing behind him. “Hyunseung, please.”
If Hyunseung could burn a word at any given moment it would be please. It’d be please because he’s never heard it sound so desperate in his entire life, never heard it sound so demanding and pleading, never heard it in a way that accelerated his heartbeat at paces he never thought possible. And Hyunseung doesn’t know why he turns around to face Kikwang; it could be because of please, he’s not sure.
Kikwang is looking at Hyunseung like he’s giving him the world outlined with everything pretty and nice, like unicorns or rainbows or dashing, handsome princes – all of which Kikwang was, and things that Hyunseung wasn’t. There are things in life, Hyunseung decides, that aren’t fair. One of the things had been Kikwang’s early debut as a solo star with Hyunseung as his backup dancer, fighting for the spotlight with Junhyung and Doojoon and Yoseob, with Dongwoon in the practice rooms. Another thing that is most unfair is Kikwang staring at him with wide, eager eyes; with hope outlined in the way his jaw is set and determination in the way that Kikwang reaches out towards Hyunseung. Reaching out towards him, promising things that are going to be broken because Kikwang’s promises have always been faulty and Hyunseung is out of touch with faith.
All the same, however, Hyunseung feels his hand move of its own accord. He watches, slightly horrified, as his hand is placed in Kikwang’s outstretched palm. The sudden warmth that comes with Kikwang’s fingers pressing into his hand, gives Hyunseung the idea that the world is coming to an end. He smiles at this.
And Kikwang smiles back, for all the wrong reasons that Hyunseung isn’t quite ready to address.
“If I had known,” Hyunseung breathes in slowly, hands on Kikwang’s shoulders, an attempt to keep him at bay, “that this would mean I’d be stuck to you twenty-four-seven I would have run the other way screaming.”
Kikwang grins in the way that causes Hyunseung’s blood pressure to rise for all the wrong reasons. “You like me too much to run the other way.” He shoves at Hyunseung’s hands, envelopes him in a strong hug, his head fitting awkwardly under Hyunseung’s chin.
Hyunseung sighs, patting him on the back and then after realising that Kikwang isn’t about to release him anytime soon, wraps his arms hesitantly around Kikwang’s shoulders. This is nice, he thinks, until Kikwang shifts his head so that he’s staring up at Hyunseung, and then kisses him full on the lips around the same time the door to the dance studio opens; the sounds of Junhyung screaming girlishly bouncing off the walls.
“Guys,” Doojoon says from behind him in his best leader voice that is not too convincing as he tries to suppress his giggles, “do we have to go over the rules again? Keep those things to the bedroom.”
“I can’t help it,” Kikwang replies, frowning, but in the end breaks into a stupid grin and he still hasn’t let go of Hyunseung, despite Hyunseung’s arms placed awkwardly at his sides.
“You can let go of me now,” Hyunseung says, trying to keep his voice quiet but apparently, not low enough because Dongwoon has fallen over laughing on Yoseob who’s trying to keep a straight-face and it’s not working. “I mean it, Kikwang, let go now.”
Kikwang gives him a look but lets him go; his hand lingering at Hyunseung’s waist and Junhyung is snickering. Damn Junhyung to hell.
“This is cute and everything but we have practice and if it was someone else you’d be dead.” Yoseob is smiling, and he eyes the hand on Hyunseung’s waist, which he slaps away.
“Yeah, well, it’s not like we were doing anything bad,” Kikwang says, crossing his arms over his chest petulantly and Hyunseung resists the urge to smack him upside the head.
“You were kissing when we walked in,” Dongwoon states-matter-of-factly, and Doojoon is nodding his head gravely with his fingers stroking his chin and Junhyung is eating his fist, snickering.
“I wasn’t kissing anyone.”
“It looked like it.” Yoseob grins and then says, “We’re just saying you should be careful next time.”
“There won’t be a next time,” Hyunseung says at the same time Kikwang chirps, “We’ll be careful!”
Kikwang turns around to fix Hyunseung with a hurt look but Hyunseung turns his back on him, walking towards the stereo to turn on the music.
“I really, really, really hate you,” Hyunseung groans when he feels Kikwang sneak into his bed.
“You should stop lying,” Kikwang tells him, slipping his arm around Hyunseung’s waist as the older boy turns around to face him. Hyunseung’s eyes open and Kikwang smiles shyly, and Hyunseung tries to get his heart rate under control. “Hi, I got lonely.”
Hyunseung grunts, throwing an arm around him and pulls Kikwang closer. Kikwang’s breathing is heavy when their bodies are pressed closer, and Hyunseung closes his eyes as Kikwang leans in to kiss him. Hyunseung opens his mouth readily as Kikwang’s tongue runs against his bottom lip. It’s unexpected, really, how he’s grown accustomed to Kikwang sneaking into his bed in the middle of the night. How he becomes giddy like a five-year-old whenever Kikwang’s around, and how he lets Kikwang get away with things he wouldn’t have been able to do so in the past.
But then Kikwang goes and does things like kiss him, taking his bottom lip into his mouth and sucking on it purposefully. Kikwang mouths kisses into his neck, burns holes into his chest, licking and nipping with tongue and teeth all the way back up to his cheek, lines his ear shell with saliva and then back again to Hyunseung’s lips. And all of this, brings Hyunseung to his downfall, which is Kikwang kissing him soft and slow and burning.
There are times when Hyunseung tells Kikwang he hates him and means it.
“You’re giving me a headache,” he deadpans and Kikwang looks furious, which isn’t a regular occurrence.
“You’re being really mean, and stupid and idiotic.”
Hyunseung blinks at him. “Your point?”
Kikwang screams in frustration, stomping out the dance studio, slamming the door behind him.
That night he doesn’t sneak into Hyunseung’s bed.
“How’s the fight going?” Junhyung asks after Japanese class, in which Kikwang is absent because of High Kick filming, and the other three are pretending to be engrossed in their own conversations.
“The one you and Kikwang had.”
“We’re in a fight?” Hyunseung asks, and Junhyung’s face meets his hand and Doojoon is muttering things under his breath and Yoseob and Dongwoon are blinking owlishly at him. “Are … we really in a fight?”
“When was the last time you talked to him?” Yoseob asks.
“Right, and what did he do?”
“Nodded and brought me the salt shaker?”
“Okay, how about the time before that?”
“It was in the – oh.”
“I think he’s got it,” Dongwoon says and Doojoon nods his head, stroking his chin with his fingers out of habit.
“It’s not like it’s my fault or anything,” Hyunseung says as they get into the van, and all four collectively sigh in exasperation.
“You tell your boyfriend that you don’t want to take him out for his birthday, he complains, you tell him to leave you alone, he complains even more, you tell him you hate him, he slams the door in your face. Whose fault is it?” Junhyung counts down Hyunseung’s faults with his fingers, giving him a look with raised eyebrows at the end.
“Hyunseung’s,” the other three say altogether.
“You’re really stupid,” Doojoon tells him, patting him on the shoulder.
At the end of the night Hyunseung doesn’t take Kikwang out for his birthday. He’s never been the type of person for loud celebrations and the group celebrates at noraebang like always, and there’s really no point to interfere with previously made plans. But Hyunseung feels slightly guilty, which explains why he’s the one sneaking into Kikwang’s bed and not the other way around.
Kikwang is surprised, and he smiles like he can light up the world after a universal power outage. Hyunseung thinks he’s going blind, but keeps it to himself after realising he has no words. He’s never been particularly good at articulating his words properly whenever it’s necessary, always staring blankly with his jaw opening and closing awkwardly. It seems that Kikwang understands this, though, because he leans in close to Hyunseung and it’s familiar again.
Hyunseung already knows how this goes because it’s been done one too many times, but it’s different. This time Hyunseung is leading and Kikwang is following, this time Hyunseung is apologising and Kikwang is forgiving. As Hyunseung pulls him closer, he tries to say I’m sorry; as he mouths hot breath and tongue against Kikwang’s neck, he tries to say I’ll try harder; as he leans his forehead against Kikwang’s, he mumbles low under his breath something along the lines of let’s try this again.
And Kikwang hums low in his throat.
Hyunseung can’t stand Kikwang, simply because Kikwang is unnerving in the way he is so clueless and smiles too much and is extremely gullible. But he lets Kikwang lean his head on his shoulder on the car rides home because it’s comfortable, and because something in his chest plummets to his stomach rather forcefully whenever Kikwang does it to someone else. Sometimes, Hyunseung wants to strangle Kikwang with everything in him. But then Kikwang smiles, that infuriating smile that makes his stomach flip awkwardly, and he concedes to letting Kikwang’s arm circle around him.
For the life of him, Hyunseung doesn’t know how they ended up in this situation, but he blames it on Kikwang. It’s easier that way.